A VANISHED FRIEND…….

It was just another forwarded mail and I began reading it most disinterestedly.

“……………………………

…………………… tomorrow goes,
And the distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner…. yet miles away,
Then suddenly,
There’s a telegram.. "Jim died today."

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.”

As I read it, the lines unleashed painful memories. I found myself 22 years down memory lane. November 2^nd, another lazy Saturday morning with lot of weekend plans. But the newspaper changed it all.

“2 HCL staff missing after they slipped off the falls at Shivasamudram.”

One of the names was familiar and a silent scream rose within me….noo it couldn’t be. But Saswathi was not a very common name. A few frantic calls confirmed the worst…my school mate, my best friend Saswathi Chaudhuri was missing. She had recently joined HCL and had joined the rest of the staff on the office picnic. They were posing for a group picture when they slipped off the falls. Professional divers were trying to locate the girls. A prayer rose in my mind and a flicker of hope too. And with that prayer I left for Whitefield with another old schoolmate to meet Sash’s parents. During the long drive which seemed endless,Gautam and I remembered Saswathi…the nightingale of our batch..my best friend from the time I joined the school in 7^th …Sash and me: the inseparable two. And when we parted after the 10^th,it was with tearful promises to keep in touch-forever. In those days when there were no e-mails and cells, letters kept us connected. Then slowly with each one engrossed in our respective studies, miles apart ,the letters were fewer and far between…..till each one remained in the others mind, as a favorite memory.

Then one September evening, 6 years later I was browsing at Gangarams Book Bureau. I look up to a melodious voice, “Hey you, what are you doing here”. I realized I was staring into Sash’s face. Suddenly we were school girls again. We had 6 years to catch up with. Hugging each other, giggling, laughing at old memories we were on a nonstop trip down the years, till we got dirty looks from the staff there. She had completed graduation and had joined HCL a few months back and I was midway thru my internship. Finally we parted reluctantly, promising to meet soon.

Though we often talked over the phone, we could never meet. Though it was easy to contact her, either at her office or residence, she had a problem getting in touch with me as we did not have a connection in the hostel where I stayed. Even so, she was always first to contact me. Every time she fixed a date and called me, I would be too busy. As an intern it was not easy getting leave. Days slipped to weeks and weeks passed on, finally we decided to meet up on November 17^th, come what may. But fate had willed otherwise……….I was jolted into the present as Gautam slowly stopped the car in front of a neat little cottage. Both of us were not prepared to face Uncle and Aunty, but we had no choice and so got out of the car with a heavy heart.

“At last you found time to come here. You never did make it to the lunch which Sash planned for both of you, did you?” Aunty’s words shocked me. I looked at her tearfully and suddenly she took my hands in hers very gently. “Don’t worry. She will come back. You know she’s a good swimmer. They will find her and you two can still have your party as planned.” I broke down completely at this, but she continued consoling me. Later, as I was going thru some of Sash’s pictures, Aunty told me that the day before they left for the office tour, Sash had told Aunty that she would have preferred going out for lunch with me than the picnic as she had lots to talk to me. She complained that my college schedule was too tight and hence I could never make it. This made me feel worse. But it was too late. Tearfully Gautam and I took leave of Sash’s parents, Aunty-optimistic and sure Sash would return and Uncle, a retired wing Commander- a broken man. We returned to the maddening crowd of Bangalore in silence.

Two days later I talked to Gautam. The divers had found them both but i couldnt even think of going to see her…couldn’t get myself to do so.… . This was not the meeting Sash and I planned. I didn’t want to say farewell to her-not like this. I wanted to remember her as the lively, bubbly friend I met last at Gangaram’s, not as a lifeless figure. I didn’t want to say bye to her…Goodbye-such a painful word, too sad, too harsh, too cold and final for friends to use.

I could never forgive myself for not making time for my friend. My friends tried to console me, that fate was inevitable, that we would have lost her anyways. But IF I had met her. I would have known what she wanted to tell me….now I’ll never know what it was. IF I’d met her, I could have told her all I wanted to…now I’ll never get a chance.

Today, years have gone by. I am older and wiser. Years back, I had promised myself, had promised to the memories of my dearest friend that I would not put off a meeting with a loved one because I didn’t have the time. Time is always there, we have to find it. If not, we will get what we deserve…… A VANISHED FRIEND...